The processing process

This is my confession. I don’t know how to talk about my feelings. Whether they are good or bad. I don’t know how to begin or what to say. How do I even start.
Most things to me are either black or white. I don’t see well through the gray areas. Yet life is mostly made up of gray areas. When it comes to certain things, I don’t know how to be in between. I’m on either side of the scale.. I show it or I don’t.

Just because I’m not super expressive, doesn’t mean I unable to love. I am. I love with every fibre of my being. I don’t know how to love in between. When I get hurt, I don’t talk about it. I take it in analyse it and talk about it when it’s done. That’s if I do.

The process of processing my feelings is internal (this is where the gray areas lie) The love I feel is internal. The pain I feel is internal. The joy I feel is internal. This is what works me. It’s what I know. I’m a realist. Often at times my realistic side clashes with optimism and pessimism. Realism is my companion when I process. It helps me to make sense.

It’s never an easy thing. Sometimes it brings to light some ugly things. Sometimes it draws me away from the world because there’s peace in solitude. I have found that sometimes you need to step away from the issue to understand the issue. I am learning how to separate the person from the situation.

What am I trying to say here… we all have emotions. Take time to think through the emotions. Live in each as it comes because you probably won’t feel the same tomorrow. The only thing that should remain constant is love. Because it’s powerful like that.

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