Count my blessings!?

It’s that time of year year again where we look back on the past 12 months and plan out the coming 12 months. For me 2014 has flown by so fast(except for the months that had 5 weeks). I have so much to be thankful for and there’s also so much to look forward to.

We were taught right from Sunday school to count our blessings. To count them one at a time. But what happens if you your blessings are overshadowed by the not so blessed stuff.  I mean it’s so easy to count your blessings when everything seems to be going great.
This year wasn’t a bad year. It wasn’t the bestest best year either. Honestly it was there. Parts of it felt like I was stagnant. Stuck in a rut ( I still feel that way). I struggled so much with so many insecurities. I felt not enough. I felt unworthy. Among many other things.

Many say feelings are deceptive but they are there for a reason. Feelings are a sign that we are emotional beings. Many times I wanted to give up because I felt I’d had enough. I had tried to hard and I was still not going anywhere. I tried to count my blessings but my feelings got in the way. My failures out shone them. My insecurities were louder than the counting. I felt like I was in the struggle all by myself. Even if I’d share with a friend or pray about it, it still felt hard. I still felt stuck, lonely, empty.
There came a time when I didn’t want to seem whiny so I stopped sharing and fell back on my default answer “I’m alright”. I kept a lot bottled up. Having a child made it a lot more easier. Conversations would shift to asking about her. I love talking about her. It always brings a smile to my face and “covers” up the other stuff.

We are a told to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I give thanks that 2014 was a year of great emotional struggles. I have absolutely no idea what 2015 will look. If anything, I’m really nervous about it and somewhat anxious. I am going to hold on to Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We’ve all had our blessings and our tough times. None of us know exactly what will happen next year. We have various ideas of what it should look like. The most we can do is dedicate it into the hands of the one who knows the future.

Happy new year everyone

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