10, 11, 12.. the big 1

Abigail,
The past 12 months have been a wonderful journey of growth in all aspects of life. Both in my life and your life. It’s been an exciting travel. I have grown to see you from a tiny little thing that was solely and completely dependent on me to a little curious munch and who enjoys exploring places on her own. You’ve grown to be happy child especially this week. You’ve been happy. Waking up early, playing, feeding well. 

Having you in my life has continued reinforce some of the lessons I have had in my life. I remembered that I need to be more patient with life and all especially when I feed you for 30 minutes. You always smile even when you wake up in the morning. My little morning person. You’re very animated in you conversation and you do love getting heard. I do hope you learn to listen as well. 

We still haven’t established what your favorite color is or what your favorite yogurt flavor is. But we have time for that. You love music and dancing. Gosh I guess it’s true what the muzungus say, dancing is actually our blood 😀 You also love playing with cats. You get so excited even when you’re having a dull day. The cats bring a smile to your face.

Abigail you bring light to my life, and there’s never a dull day with you. You have taught me to to love selflessly. With everything in me. Each new day is a new way to show you how I love you. I look forward to teaching you new things like how to give hugs. A hug can change the turn of a dull day. I hope and pray that the Lord will bless me with long life and that he will grant me knowledge and wisdom to raise you well. 
I love you my precious child. God bless you greatly.
Happy first birthday

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When you just have to grieve!

Sometimes we are faced with huge losses. When a loved one dies or when a relationship ends or when a business deal doesn’t go through. A loss still remains a loss. The thing lost doesn’t change the fact that it’s a loss.

The grieving process has never been easy. We try to be strong so we can go through the pain. We get too afraid to let the pain out because we are so afraid it might kill us. So we hold on but don’t give in. We try so hard to not feel but it lingers heavily on our hearts and minds.
Grieving paves the way for healing. When you let the pain go through the system, it touches the deepest part of the soul and goes through. Yes it never leaves you the same.
When you grieve, you learn to let go. You learn what true strength is. You learn to fight to be better tomorrow.

I don’t usually advise people to go through the grieving process fast. Healing takes time. You have to deal with it how comes and how it goes. It eventually gets better. And as cliche as this sounds, time actually heals all wounds. It heals the wreckage left when a friendship comes to an end. When a relationship didn’t last as long as you hoped. It gets better with time.

It’s not going to be easy. And everyone deals with loss differently but it gets better. Leave in each emotion even those that feel like your insides are coming out. Leave in each emotion because tomorrow, chances are high you’ll feel another totally different emotion all together.

Life is full of goals and achievements. But the same life is full of failures and losses. Sometimes you’ve tried your best to make it work. With certain things, no matter how hard you try, they just won’t add up. With certain things, maybe you tried to hard. You might need to let go and grieve. Then will come a bunch of stuff, acceptance and then healing.

What I’m saying is, it’s good to grieve. Because grieving brings healing. Don’t try to fight it. Just let it go. Let it out.
I’ve heard it sang before “If it doesn’t break your heart it isn’t love”. Don’t how much truth it holds but I say, when dust settles, you’ll be fine.

Later.

2013…2014, the year in between.

27th December, 4 days to end 2013… Ahhh it’s that time of the year that we review the year. Check off the things we wanted to do and actually did, high-five ourselves for the things we did but weren’t on the original list and frown upon ourselves for the things we didn’t do. We are going to make new years resolutions and we might follow through with a quarter of them or even all. I for one gave up making those. I never really follow through.

I remember thinking I want 2013 to be awesome. I’ll have my baby and I’ll do well. I remember thinking I can totally take this. Bring it on 2013. You won’t know what hit you 😀 Somewhere along the way, I forgot that even the best laid plans get derailed. Nothing really went according to plan. And I guess at some points I gave up because I just couldn’t fight longer or harder or whatever!

Now, 2013 had it’s good moments. The highlight being the birth of my little munchkin who is the light of my life. A child is one of life’s biggest adjustments and a hard one at that. But she brings light into my life.
I’ve made some new awesome friends. I was able to get to know some old friends better. I learnt more about myself (learning really never ends). Yes, it has had it’s awesome moments. Besides, there’s four more days to go anything can happen (I’m working on being optimistic)

Overall though 2013 has been an ish-ish year. It hasn’t really been my year. I’ve survived more than thrived. I’ve been content with just being. I’ve settled when I could be aiming higher. I’ve given up even when I know I should have tried harder. I’ve said goodbye to friends and I don’t like goodbyes.
This year has taught me that life can beat you down and bruise you but you can never officially be out. Yes maybe I’m like that one movie character that doesn’t really die. They come back from the ruins. I am found in the aftermath. I learnt that it’s okay to be loved and it’s also okay love (yes I’m still learning that lesson). I’ve been reminded that nobody is perfect and that even when I think someone is “the worst”, God loves us all the same. They have as much right as I do to be here. My eyes have been opened to different kinds of sin present in my life. That was a tough pill to swallow. But it’s easier to deal with it when you’re aware of it. 

This year has been a “bipolar” kind of year. And I’ve lived every moment. I’ve gone through each emotion and it didn’t kill me. And now, here comes 2014, a blank canvas. Another opportunity to do something new. A chance to put into practice this year’s lessons! So maybe it will be my year. Only God knows. It’s safer to put my trust in the one who knows the future. They say, do something new everyday or is it do something new everyday that scares you. They both sound right. There’s plenty of new stuff. Just know it’s going to be a good year. I guess I’m going to use different looking glasses.

Have an awesome 2014 folks. Trust the one who knowa the future.

9 months..

Some people say you can’t exactly count 9 months until the entire month is up but I like looking at the glass as half full.

Abigail you’re getting bigger. Yes it’s expected considering that you’re a baby and babies grow. But I guess sometimes I’m still in awe of how much progress you’re making.

You clap your hands a lot. And sometimes even when you’re asleep and sometimes it’s one of the first things you do when you wake up from a nap.

Your personality is growing as well. You are a determined little lady and when you focus on doing or getting something nothing can deter you.

You love to sit by the door and look outside to watch stuff going on. Very outdoorsy of you. You also do love watching t.v even when you have no idea what’s going, you pay attention.

You’re an expert crawler and a fast one at that. It’s sometimes hard to keep up but we’ve tried to get all hazardous stuff out of the way. But you still find something not child friendly.

Your play and communication is getting better though play is characterized by very loud screams. Sometimes it’s hard to think or hear someone else talking.

You like playing and moving around a lot before bed time and this is fun when I don’t have to wake up really early the next day. But once you go out, you sleep well.

We are almost there Abz. Let’s keep praying to God to keep you and help you grow. You are an amazing person. May God keep you and bless you.

I love you little munch

Marriage Isn’t For You

Nice. I like

Seth Adam Smith

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. 🙂 I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each…

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25 things every woman needs to know.

Well, I’ll the post do all the talking

HANNAH BRENCHER

1) Life is a steep, uphill battle but it’s fierce & it’s beautiful & you’ll be sad to see it go if you live it right.

2) New people won’t stop coming into your life and opportunities won’t stop knocking on the door but you need to have the space for them. In all you currently have– be them relationships or obligations– step back and ask yourself “why.” If you can find the answer, hold tighter. If the answer escapes you, it’s time to let something go.

3) You should resolve to be awesome for the rest of your life. Right now. Do it.

4) Leggings, no matter how much we wish, will never one day magically transform into pants. Wearing them with tops that don’t cover your bum is not cute. Please, please, please stock up on pants.

5) Goals are not a January 1st kind of thing. Set…

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Random rumblings of a tired mind

The week has been a tiring one. On almost all fronts. I’ve had too much idle time on my hands. This should be a good thing. I would have been able to get creative and come up with some amazing ideas. Well that didn’t happen. Instead, I give a lot of things a lot of thought. Mostly emotional stuff. I second guessed certain choices, I dreamed certain dreams, I felt certain emotions. And now I feel the need to blog a bunch of stuff.

Love is a feeling that is so powerful. It’s greater than fear or pride or hate! It has the intensity to make you or break you. It’s something so fragile that it easily breaks and yet so strong that it is still able to make a comeback so powerful it leaves you stunned. You never see it coming. Sometimes it creeps in slowly and makes itself comfy. Other times in comes in with a big bang you have no choice than to acknowledge it. Bottom line is, you never see it coming. Every love story is written differently.

I’ve been vulnerable before. You know that point where you inner most secrets, failures, sad times are lying there. In the open for people to pick on. What do you do when you reach that point? The point where your friends, frenemies and enemies see your weaknesses. See stuff that they can manipulate and twist to their favor. What do you do? Where do you go to hide from yourself?

So life has all these rules. Some of them I find absolutely silly. And some I find necessary. Rules are good, they give you structure. But at what point do you rule out the silly rules that you won’t live by. Why do we have to make life so complicated? Who says exes can’t be friends? Who says guys and girls can’t just be friends? We all need each other. Yes we do. If we didn’t then maybe God would have placed each one of us on separate islands and we’d stay there. We’d never learn to fight for what’s worth fighting for. So maybe you can call me naive for believing that we can actually live in a world where we can all be friends. Why do we have to make life so complicated?

The greatest period of growth and self discovery is in your 20s. Yes sometimes by the time you’re halfway to 30, you don’t really know what your doing with your life. But at least you’ve tried out a bunch of stuff and have come to know what works for you and what doesn’t. Keep calm because you’re narrowing down your options. You are closer today than you were yesterday. So enjoy your 20s. They won’t last forever.

Apply wisdom and smarts to everything. Look to God as the source and definition of who you are. As human beings, our views of how we see other are subject to change most of the time depending on how we feel about ourselves at that particular time. And being objective is difficult but not impossible. I’ll borrow someone’s words to say this and also add a few of my own “People are fragile things so be careful what you say to them or what you put them through. They break when you force them and they break when you don’t try”.

So, it’s okay to love. It’s okay to show some weakness. It’s okay to try out something new. It’s okay to sometimes just close your eyes and jump. And it’s okay to think things through twice or thrice depending on what you prefer. Yes it sucks when things don’t work out but at least you embraced the spirit of adventure and gave it a shot. Don’t berate yourself too much. God has a plan for each of our lives. Don’t give up too soon. Life still goes on.

Don’t be afraid of the unknown.

Later!

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